Proving

I came across an article in the LA Times today about a woman in Montana who came to the US illegally and then set up a restaurant.  Apparently, this woman has more complications in the story, but a line towards the end of the article struck a nerve.  In referring to the anti-immigration folks who hang out in her restaurant and like her, the following statement is made.

"Mora said she just wishes that, when it comes to illegal immigration, 'they didn't see me as the exception. There are many like me across the nation. We had to come illegally. There was no other way.'"

Ignore the politics of illegal immigration.  Ignore left-wing/right-wing.  Focus on this one phrase.

The exception.

Like Mora, I'm generally the exception.  I'm the gay guy who doesn't "act gay."  I'm the smart guy who isn't "weird and awkward."  I've been the younger guy who didn't "act like a twink."  I'm now an older guy who doesn't "act 40."  I'm the dyslexic who likes to read.  I'm the ADHD guy with a successful career.

And every time someone around me stereotypes a group I belong to and I point out that I don't fit the stereotype, I hear, "But you're different," or, "You're the exception."

It's some kind shitty no-true-Scotsman in reverse: because I don't fit the stereotype, I can't be part of the group and, therefore, people can like me or trust me or be friends with me and still talk shit about the group to which I belong.  I'm the excuse, the clearance that says it's okay to continue being bigots, even if they only hear it in their own heads.

And it comes pretty damned close to feeling abusive.  It's making me a party to bigotry, even if I don't want to be.  Like some company I hate using my image without my permission to advertise their product.

And to top it off, when I challenge it, I'll get some version of the quote, "It's the exception that proves the rule."  And they'll smirk and continue on as if they've won the discussion.

In that context, to "prove" means to test, assholes, not to confirm.  Exceptions test rules - and often find them faulty.

I guess knowing that makes me yet another exception.