Jupiter Rising

1 comments
I'm sitting on a lounge chair at a clothing optional resort in Palm Springs.  We're "social distancing" (which is an annoying phrase but conveys useful information), and it's outdoors with enough air circulation, so the risk is pretty minimal.  It's not a big place, and almost everyone is being good about the rules (a few people have to be reminded to back off a bit once in a while).

Right now - 11 pm, about 85 degrees - there are a few different "couples" floating in the pool, a few more sitting around the skirt on lounges spaced about 8-10 feet apart.  No one in the hot tub, though a few people have been in it in groups of up to three at various points (including me, by myself).

Antares, to the south, is about at its zenith for the night.  Vega's up and over my left shoulder, Arcturus over my right, and Altair is hanging out to the east.  The moon hasn't quite set yet, and I'm half-waiting for Jupiter (and maybe Saturn) to poke up over the bushes.

In an hour, I'll be 43.  Other than being prime, it's not a huge deal.  It doesn't mean I'll have any less homework due on Tuesday, or any shorter of a drive home on Thursday, or anything really.  Part of me thinks it'd be nice if there were someone for me to be in the pool with; I've been hit on by a few of the other single guys here, which is kind of refreshing (one thought I was mid-20s, which I haven't heard in ages), but I'm not "feeling it" with any of them.  I'd rather have a friend to just hang out with and maybe cuddle up to even without sex than some few-night stand that seems entirely sex-based.

Someone literally said to me, "If you're single and you're not here to have sex, why the fuck are you here?"  I suppose that pretty well encapsulates my conflict with much of the gay community around here.  Another guy mentioned he's "39 and wanting to settle down" - an half an hour later was sticking his finger in some guy's ass (unwanted, which caused a minor amount of conflict for a bit).

I've always felt like I'm trapped between worlds.  As a teen, I had a series of dreams involving this guy named Peragin whose face I can never remember, even when other parts of the dream are crystal clear.  One of them centered on the idea of being "AC/DC" in his words - of not being one thing, but not being the other, and never quite fitting with either.  The analogy I use most is being fluent in a language but lacking any knowledge of the culture, so while you can converse, the jokes and subtleties all go over your head.  Being in the world but not of it.

Oh men, it must ever be, that we dwell in our dreaming and singing/ a little apart from ye.

Oh well.

The old man just poked his head above the bushes.  Next up should be Saturn, though I'm not actually sure how bright he is typically.  Jupiter's easily one of the brightest things in the sky, now that Luna's below the hills.

Anyway, enjoy Pride, however you celebrate it, if you do.  If you don't, enjoy your Sunday, the last Sunday in the first half of the year.  July 2nd actually starts the second half.  And if you happen to be out at night and can see the stars (or things that look like stars), come up with a name for one and wave at it for me.  They get lonely up there, and I can't watch for them all.

Waiting for the day

0 comments
One thing I've realized is that I have a lot of problems with physical contact.

I was never abused or hit.  I think my grandmother once told me (as a teenager) that even as a kid, she and my parents had only ever spanked me once; normally just knowing I'd done something bad was enough punishment (which... indicates other issues, but later for that).

I do have sensory issues, in the sense that I've had heightened sensation for almost every sense.  Not in the Daredevil or superhero sense - nothing so useful.  It's probably just related to my ADHD, and I'm sure I've talked about it before.  But it means, among other things, that I'm very aware of physical contact and touch.

But that's just a small part. Most of it is, really, because of high school.

I came out as gay as a Freshman in high school.  I didn't really have any major negative reactions (in fact, it was mostly positive, albeit very lonely).  But one thing I internalized very quickly was that I "had to" behave in a way that couldn't ever be considered as compromising for another guy.  I mean, "everyone" knew I was gay, so anything I did with or around guys had the potential to make people think the other guy was gay, and I both didn't want to put people in that position and didn't want guys worried that I would.

So, I essentially went totally hands-off, physically distant, and as un-suggestive a possible.

It was just the start of the whole "hugging" thing, at least in more-liberal SoCal, and guy friends would often greet each other with a hug or a shoulder squeeze or whatever.  I rarely even shook hands.

I went through extra effort to try and use restrooms that either only had one urinal or that no one else ever really used, just so that I couldn't ever be thought of as trying to "check out" anyone else.

I explicitly avoided changing in the locker room whenever anyone else was in there and would often just walk home (track was last, after school) and shower and such there.

I don't know that most people noticed.  I had one old high school friend comment about it decades later, but he was a close friend and, so, perhaps more attentive to such things.  It also fit into the general "calm, cool, brainer/geek" reputation I had, so maybe that led to people not really thinking about it.

But the truth is that I am a *very* sensual person.  I love physical contact with other guys.  Not sexual per se - I mean, sure, fun and all - but even just giving someone a massage, someone's head in my lap for a movie, whatever.  I see guys - straight, gay, whatever - being able to do "bro" stuff and I love that they have that freedom, that it can be so casual.

But 30 years of practice is hard to break.  If I *do* get to the point of actually trusting someone, like really trusting them, then it's all-in and I'm relaxed doing anything.  It's like a switch flips in my head.  But until I get to that point, there's this barrier in my head that I always throw up.  And that of course makes it so much harder to get close to people.

It's something I need to work on, though I don't exactly have much of an opportunity to do so - especially now during the quarantine, but even in general.  Too many other walls in the way usually, not all of them mine.  But still.  To quote an old George Michael song, "All these insecurities that have held me down for so long; can't say I've found a cure for these, but at least I know them so they're not so strong..."

Momentary lapse of reason

1 comments
Please note, I'm not writing this as a pity session.  I'm not looking for sympathy or anything.  I'm mostly putting this here because it is, in fact, pretty close to shouting into the void.  One doesn't expect the void to shout back, just to shout out and let the void absorb it.

There's this vintage photo posted on Reddit the other day.  Shows two guys in lifeguard shirts, seemingly from Coney Island or somewhere similar, and the back has a note dated 1949 that is pretty definitively a love note.

You see things like it pop up all the time: little things from the past that seem to float the message, "yes, there was love, even when it wasn't obvious"...

I keep looking at it over the last few days.  Not because the guys are cute - I mean, they are - but because of what it signifies.  And because I know it's something I won't have.

That's not to say I haven't been there.  I've had moments in the past that are snapshots in my mind.  A face laying in my lap in a back seat as streetlights flash by.  Walking down the boulevard holding hands during Pride weekend.  Hearing a song come on the jukebox, and turning to see him smiling as he comes up the stairs towards me.

But the truth, the real honest truth, is that I haven't had anything even remotely in the same class in 20 years, almost half my life.  And given where I am, what I'm doing, and the specifics of my life, I'm not likely to have it again any time in the near future.  There's a certain kind of attitude and approach, a certain kind of no-strings, just-enjoy-the-moment that is the core of how I approach romance but seems completely alien to anyone over 30.  Maybe that means I'm childish; it's not unreasonable.  Maybe it means the rest of the world is just too serious.  Maybe it's just that I haven't looked in the right places or hung out with the right people.

It's just a momentary bit of loneliness.  It doesn't hit often.  Maybe it's being magnified by this whole quarantine, though to be honest my life hasn't changed all that much since the quarantine started.  I'm not going to give up my longer-term goals or change much of how I'm doing things at the moment.

It'd just be nice, you know?


Keeping on keeping on

0 comments
So, it's been a while.  Almost a year, actually.

For better or worse, not much has changed.  Current GPA (overall/upper/major): 3.68/3.6/3.55.  Which means, so far, I qualify for the Exceptional Student Admissions Program (ESAP), which means guaranteed admissions to the master's program and slightly easier admission as a PhD.  There's no such thing as "guaranteed PhD admission", since that's kind of complicated, but more on that later.

Still working 28 hours a week.  Nothing much changed there at all.  The boss I have who didn't really "get" what I do has finally started to understand and is now all gung-ho for me helping out in all sorts of different areas.  I suppose that's better than not being valued at all, but we've creeping closer to the time when I won't be here any more (whenever it ends up being), so this just means she's starting to panic a little.

One thing that has changed since last time: I'm working in a lab at school.  Actually, I'd just started when I made my last post (March of last year), but I was only working on a paper at the time and wasn't sure where it was going to lead.  I've officially been physically working in a lab since late June, and I'm actually playing with some cool equipment and doing a few basic experiments.

Interestingly, I got the position primarily because of my "medical" experience (which is largely non-medical, but I at least know the terminology).  The PI and his new postdoc were looking to start up a branch of his existing lab that focused on a specific technology, and the medical applications are more easily monetized than some of the other; I was the first student they brought in, mostly to help on a long lit review (which is apparently in the final stages of publication now), and my background working at the hospital plus all the papers I've co-authored led them to decide to give me a shot.  I'd also talked to the PI previously, so he at least recognized my name.

Now, I mostly don't want to be working on this specific tech in the future; my interest is in propulsion (which the PI's lab also does), and this isn't really useful for that.  But PI knows this.  In fact, he and I had an hour-long talk last week, both going over the current stuff we're doing in side of the lab I'm on as well as talking about my future.  And he all but guaranteed me a position as a PhD candidate in his propulsion lab, including Graduate Research Student standing and funding, so long as I keep my ESAP qualification.  I'll still have to do my GREs, of course, and it's a year away anyway, but that takes a fair bit of stress off my shoulders.

One thing that also hadn't changed: I'm still pretty isolated.  I mean, there are a few students in classes that I am friendly with and who I've shared a few classes with, but no one's ever expressed any interest in hanging out outside of class or anything.  Normally, working in a lab would at least lead to more interaction there, but while there are 30-something people in the *other* lab, I'm literally the only one in the lab I'm in most of the time.  The postdoc I work with is a nice guy, generally speaking, but he's a Chinese national with very specific ideas about how things work that kind of rub me the wrong way sometimes in addition to the language barrier.  I also don't think he knows I'm gay, though I've hardly been secretive about it, and frankly I don't think he'd react well to the news if he did (not badly, necessarily, just not well).

No dating prospects what-so-ever.  I had Tindr and something else on my phone for a few months, and even popped on Grindr (though I then decided that I had zero interest in that crowd and haven't launched it since).  But, really, I'm too old for college students (and frankly wouldn't want to date most of them anyway), and most guys my age think someone who is an undergrad in their 40s obviously has something wrong with them.  Neither of those is likely to change much even when I switch to grad school; by the time I get out, I'll be near 50.  Given how little I dated before complicating things with school, I'm probably not going on any dates at all for the next 5 or 6 years.

I haven't even gone on one of my gay-cations recently: over summer, I was working in the lab almost non-stop getting the paper ready and helping out with some interns we had, and since then I've been either in school, sick, or just not really wanting to spend the money.  I may have to book something for spring break just so that I can get out a bit.

To be clear, I pretty much knew this was going to happen; it's part of the costs I knew I'd likely have to pay to go to school, back when I considered it 4 years ago.  I still wouldn't have changed that decision, and I'm still willing to pay it to do this.  It just might be nice to not have to.

and we danced

0 comments
... and we danced in the darkness
in the void without a name
before the world was written
and there were no hearts to tame
and when our dance was finished,
when the band played to the end,
we motioned for more music
and began to dance again...

and we danced in the dim light
'neath a newly starry sky
as gods were born around us
and the new worlds passed us by
and when our dance was finished
and the sky was set to spin
we motioned for more music
and began to dance again...

and we danced in the brightness
as new life began to throng
an infinity of voices
to sing the chorus of the song
and when our dance was finished
with nature's fabric woven,
we motioned for more music
and began to dance again...

and we danced in the daylight
while the stories came and went
to each their unique purpose,
to shine in their moment
and when our dance was finished
and the pages all written,
we motioned for more music
and began to dance again...

and we danced in the twilight
in the final silent dark
no heart's drumbeat to move us
and with no stars left to spark
and when our dance was finished
and new hopes set to begin,
we motioned for more music
and began to dance again...

and we danced...

Keeping on

0 comments
Okay, wow, it's week 7, and I haven't posted since before classes started.

School has been... awesome?  fun?  I mean, I'm enjoying classes and have made a couple of casual friends.  I'm at two As and a B right now (they do +/-, but I'm not at the point of figuring that out), and may be raising the B to an A with the most recent midterm (which I think I did well on; find out tomorrow).  Tues/Thurs/Fri, and my weekends, are the best days of the week right now.

That leaves Mondays and Wednesdays, which are work days (I work some on Friday and Saturday, but from home).  Work's actually not bad; getting up at 5:30 to leave at 6, and then generally not getting home until 6:30-7, sucks, but it's doable.  The only real problem is my car.  I think the move kind of pushed it over the edge; it needs thousands of dollars of work now, and frankly - as much as I love this car - I can't justify it.  So, right now, it's hard to start most mornings (once it's running it's fine), which is a little anxiety-inducing.  But since I'm only driving twice a week, I'm hoping to make it until after finals (mid-December) before getting a replacement.

Probably something cheap and used; I can drop about $5k in cash on a down payment, and I don't want anything more than $200 or so a month as a payment, so that puts me at about $14k-16k.  Which isn't unreasonable for a small used car in the area.  I'll probably end up paying it off early as well.  I just don't really need a fancy car if I'm not driving much, and I'd rather keep my expenses lower.

I could also do a lease, like of a civic or something, but I'd have to think about it.  The mileage would probably be a close thing, and a lease is a flat 3-year commitment rather than being able to just pay off a loan if needed.  Down payment would probably be less, of course,and I'm really only looking for something to last me the next three years I'm guaranteed at school (after that, who knows).  Anyway, stuff to consider.

I've got a paper due the week after TK.  I've already started writing it, but I'm having trouble getting my thoughts framed.  I've done the outline, so it's more just a matter of phrasing and such (I don't think in words, so often figuring out how to say what I want to say is the hardest part).  I'll still likely be done, at least in a solid edited first draft, this weekend.

Still enjoying the apartment.  I love being able to walk both to classes and down to the village for meals/studying.  I've taken to hanging out at a local sports bar or Starbucks for homework; I've asked, and both places are fine with it (I'm always ordering stuff too, so it's not like I'm freeloading).  I actually study better in a "noisy" environment, which is my flavor of ADHD at work: I have to have enough "background" activity to keep my peripheral attention satisfied without being massively distracting.  Coffee shops work pretty well.

The fires have made the air quality around here pretty bad.  School actually issued no-outdoor-activity alerts over the weekend.  Things seem a bit better at the moment.

Not sure if I'm going to do anything for New Years.  I kind of feel guilty about spending money on a vacation if I'm buying a car.  I also don't feel like I need to "get away" at this point; being in Westwood is still relatively new and feels like its own little vacation anyway.  Which I suppose is a good sign.

T minus 10 days

0 comments
Hung out with D (of C&D) Saturday.  He kind of nudged me about getting out and dating, or at least having sex once in a while.  While one could argue that it's none of his business, he's someone I *have* had sex with, so I supposed that gives him a bit of authority in the subject.

I dunno; I'm not exactly jonsing for a relationship, but I also feel like I'd enjoy having one.  That's kind of the state I'm in and has been for a while.  Oh well; we'll see if anything changes with school.

I know I said I wanted to start getting out to WeHo a bit more, but right now, I'm getting home from work after 6:30; once I'd get changed and such, it's usually 7:30 or later, and I don't really want to get back in the car and head out.  I suppose I could take a lyft, but that's now adding another $20-30 to the price of the trip (even including parking).  There's no bus that goes straight there; best I can do is down Sunset and walk down the hill, and that's still a 45-minute trip for the 4 miles.

Again, once school starts, it'll be a bit different.  My last class Tuesday and Thursday ends at 5:45, and on Friday at 1:50.  So, plenty of time to relax or get stuff done before heading out, at least on Fridays.  We'll see if I actually end up doing it.

Right now, the biggest thing I'm thinking about is whether or not to get a 2-in-1 laptop I can use for taking notes in class.  I mean, I've got the work laptop, and they don't care if I use it, but I'd rather have my own especially since work isn't guaranteed long-term.  Additionally, I take notes better by writing than typing, especially with math and physics classes (which these mostly are).  I've had a slate in the past - in fact, I had one of the very first, back before tablets became a thing - and I loved using it for writing.  I just  need to decide how much I want to spend on it.  Most of them are $800-$1500; it's a question of whether or not I'll be happy with the $800 or should splurge for (and can afford) the $1500.

Apartment is getting a bit more in order.  Not much, but a bit.  I started cleaning off the printer stand, since I ordered a new printer (which should arrive Tuesday).  Nothing extravagant, but I do need to occasionally print and scan at home, so, had to get something.  Anyway, I still have boxes of books, but those are almost all that is left.  I need to do some re-arranging in the bathroom and closet a bit, but nothing unreasonable.

Classes start in a week and a half. I've got all my books and will start reading up on stuff this week.  The syllabi aren't up yet, but I can at least get a head start on the subjects.

Gray skies at dawn

0 comments
One of the oddest things about the new place is the west-facing window.

There's really only the sliding door, of course; it's a studio and looks basically like a hotel room in layout (long and narrow).  But it faces west, into a small "back alley" area with the other building opposite about 20-30 feet away.  There are trees and plants in the gap, so it's not like looking out at another building; it's actually pretty green.  Also, with the slight slope, my line of sight is just below the roof of theirs, so there's plenty of blue sky above as well.

But, for the last seven years, I've had sunlight shining in my eyes (almost) every morning.  Now, not only is it afternoon/evening light I get, the mornings are even generally foggy or cloudy (the marine layer comes in at night).  So, most mornings, even on the weekend when I sleep in until 11 or later, are dark and gray.

That's not a huge issue, and I've got a 6500K lamp as my main light source for just this reason.  But it's still a bit weird to me.

The old apartment is empty, and I've turned in the keys to management.  I'm Officially Moved, though not fully unpacked yet - the kitchen is done, I think, but I've still got boxes everywhere else.  I got my school stuff mostly organized at least.

Mainly, being moved means 1) Sunday was the first day I got to actually be at home in the new place and not driving all over and 2) today will be my first leave-work-and-drive-home day, since I've been stopping at the old place to clean/pack/toss.  Getting to work in the mornings is pretty quick, about 45 minutes; getting home is going to be an hour or so, maybe a bit longer.  I'm hoping to judge traffic just right and leave here about 5:30 to get home around 6:30 if possible.  We'll see.

I may try to hang out with C&D this coming weekend.  I haven't seen them in ages, and I kind of owe it to them.  It'll be a longer drive, obviously, but it also may be the last chance I get to do so with school starting up shortly.

I also need to start thinking about social activities.  Though I should get my place in order before going too far in that direction.

Delta y

0 comments
I've moved a lot of stuff down to the new apartment already.  I'm making another run tonight, with some of the dishes, the dining room chairs, and some other bulkier stuff (like my M:TG cards, which I still haven't gotten around to selling yet but are now apparently worth $3000-$6000).

This weekend is the big one: a coworker is (supposed to be) helping me move my bed and dining room table, and I'll move my computer chair and the rest of the dishes as well as whatever clothes and such I have left (I've been wrapping the dishes in shirts and such, since that seemed like less of a waste than using newspaper or buying packing material).  After this weekend, I'll be "officially moved" and living down in Westwood, even though I'll still have some clean-up and such to do at the old apartment.  Like, I still have to make an e-waste run to Good Will.

Tomorrow will likely be my last day taking the train into the office (I'm planning on driving on Friday).  That feels a little weird to me.

A whole lot is obviously about to change, and I'm starting to get nervous about it.  It'll work out - beyond that, it'll be great - but change is always disruptive and anxiety-inducing, even when we're looking forward to it.  The things that I'm spending the most time thinking about are dumb things, though.

Like, I've gotten into a routine for the last few months where I hit the same few restaurants on weekends.  There's a place I go for nachos by work, and a couple of burger joints I hit at various points.  I'm obviously not going to be getting those nachos much any more, though there appears to be a location in the same chain to the south of the new place.  And the Village has a lot of restaurants that are great, including more than a few that I've been to in the past.  Beyond that, it wouldn't kill me to eat at home more.

But that's the kind of thing my mind latches on to, generally.  I'm good with the "big stuff"; it's the little details that I stress about.

Like, one thing that has been going back and forth in my mind: I have a regular bedspread, but I also have a hand-knitted blanket my mother made as well as an electric blanket.  I obviously don't use all of them at any point and only use two when it's pretty cold in the dead of winter; generally speaking, the ones not in use are just piled in the corner of my room.  I don't have that much space in the new place, so I need to come up with a different way of storing them.

But storing which?  The electric blanket is harder to take on and off, obviously, because it's got the cables (though I usually just leave those plugged in).  The spread is bulky, and anyway, I think that's the one I'd most like to keep on the bed (as it matches the decor best).  But my mom's blanket is just awesome and, lately, is what I've been using most (as it's been generally too hot for either of the other two).  Again, it's a silly thing to worry about and it'll get figured out, but it's annoying me.

Anyway, I notified one bank and the DMV of my address change; I'm doing the other bank today.  I've already re-registered to vote in the new address, so that's handled.  I need to set up my internet service, which I'll probably start today; the complication with that is getting to a place to pick up the modem, but I'll manage.  Gas and electricity are already on.  And I've already got a couple of my text books for the quarter.

Oh, I also got a scholarship from the state for about $1700 a quarter, which is awesome.  That's just under 40% of  my costs, which means less pulled out of my IRA.  I got *that* part set up as well, so when I'm ready to transfer the funds, it should be easy.  The market's been doing better, and of course pulling out less means less of a long-term impact.

It also means that 1) I may be able to get away with not withdrawing anything else from the IRA after this quarter (if I behave) and 2) I can probably get the notebook PC I really need to have for school (which flies a bit in the face of (1), but is really something I ought to do).  I've found one I like through Costco, so it's not as expensive as it would be otherwise, and with staying at full-time hours in September but already being at the lower rent, I'll have extra funds that I wasn't planning on for the month.

All in all, things are (so far) working out pretty well.  I just need to get through this weekend.

Lay of the land

0 comments
So, here's a rough plan of what my new place will look like:

The bathroom, closet, and kitchen aren't exact; I didn't measure those out, as there's no furniture going in them.  But the rest is pretty close to the plan, including the colors.  Most of my stuff right now (furniture, sheets, etc.) is blue, grey/silver, or black, hence the colors.  The existing carpet is that typical light-tan used everywhere, so it won't clash.  Even my dishes are a blue/black.

Entryway is on the right in that little hook area there.  It steps into a (probably fake) wood area that is 4 feet wide by about 4.5 feet long.  As you enter, off to the right is the bedroom area.  Right now, I'm only planning my bed (with its headboard), a small leaning shelf, a larger but short media center table, and my rowing machine (the weird pointy thing there; it'll be folded up most of the time, probably, but I wanted to check for spacing).  The large grey shag rug I already have; it's in my dining room at the current place but is too large for the area in this one  The striped runner rugs I've just purchased; they'll essentially line the right side of the place.  I'll have to get some bathroom rugs later, but those are easy (come to think of it, I bought one for the guest bathroom; I can just use that for one at least; I did that bathroom as a kind of sea foam blue/green, so it should mesh with the fixtures in the new bathroom).

You step down two steps to the living room area, which is why the runner here is divided a bit.  Straight ahead is the gas fireplace.  I just bought the big "circles" rug as well, so that'll be getting delivered maybe by the end of the week.  In the living room, I'll put my computer chair near the top; it's hard to describe, but it's a brushed-steel pipe frame "lounge" (no, I didn't pay that much for it) that I've mounted my monitor and such to using movie-set clamps.  The case itself is black and glows blue.  Behind that, along the left wall, is my bookshelf, which I also already have (basically, two of these with shelves between them, so it's one long unit).

The big area will, at some point, probably have a small table and a couch or chairs.  I haven't exactly decided yet.  I've actually got a coffee table that C&D gave me; it's two wooden levels with black supports on the sides.  It's a little worse for wear, but if I can figure out how to disassemble it, paint it, and maybe put a glass top on it (replacing the center wooden panel), it would be suitable.  I have an idea to recess some lighting in it, but I don't even know if I can take it apart easily yet.

Passing the fireplace, there's a little "bar" type divider to the kitchen, then the "dining room" (which leads to the patio).  I was worried that my table wouldn't fit, but it should be fine.  I only have the two chairs, and I don't exactly entertain much.  So, for now, I'll probably have it like shown; if I need to, I can pull it away from the wall for more friendly dining.  I'll want to get a rug for this area and a mat for the kitchen too, but again, those are pretty easy to do.

I've got three big lamps I can bring, one of which matches with the bookshelf pretty well (which is why I have it and where it currently stands).  The other two are those "branch" kinds of lamps with bulbs and shades at the end, one in my bedroom and one in the guest room.  I'll probably just bring one, though I'm not even sure if I'll use it.  I also got a new lamp for my birthday from my mom's friend; that actually fits the style/decor pretty well too.  It can't really be on a switch, though, as the way it turns on is a little weird, so I'll probably try replacing the light over my bed with it.

I didn't draw out the patio.  It's not terribly large.  I'm probably going to look into getting some "fake grass" as an outdoor rug for it, then maybe use some of my planters.  I'd *really* like to get some kind of climbing ivy or something for the railing, especially a flowering variety, but that would mean taking care of it.  There's always fake stuff, but that  fades/gets dusty.  I may see about some kind of screen or something.  I don't want to block airflow through the railing, but I also don't want to scandalize the neighbors across the way if I'm walking around naked in my place, and a bit of a screen or partial covering of the railing would do the trick (they're actually slightly below me, so I don't need much).

I'd also like to get some artwork for the walls.  My current place doesn't have anything in it, but there are a few of my shots I'd like to print out.  I've got a gorgeous panorama of Mt. Shasta that would look great as three (or even five) separate panels - I think I figured out once that at 2 feet high, it would be about 20 feet long.  But I've also got others that would look great in various areas.  I also want to get more plant life in the new place; it'll be more temperate in general, so there'll be less of an issue with extremes, even if I'm leaving the door open for airflow.

I've got the keys and may will start moving stuff down this weekend.  I'm actually tempted to see if I can get the dining table apart and moved myself; I just need to be careful of the glass.  I have to see if it'll fit in my car with the hatch down (just a matter of measuring).  If not, I'll probably stick to boxing up my books and moving them and the shelf down.  That would probably be at least one trip and maybe two, but it would also be the first big chunk out of the apartment.  If the rugs show up, I'll probably move them instead (or at least first) so that I have them in place for later.  Those *will* fit in my car, even the 9x12; heck, the corners for the bookshelf are over 7 feet and rod iron, and those fit without much of an issue if I lean the seat back.  That's how I got it home in the first place, though granted that was just a couple of blocks away.

One concern is the closet.  I don't have all that much stuff to go in there, since I've basically just got the two closets at my place.  But part of what does need to go in there is my camping gear, and that's kind of bulky.  I've also got my emergency water tanks, which aren't tiny (and I have two of them).  I think they'll all fit without problem, but it may take a little bit of shuffling.  Clothes-wise, I've gotten rid of a lot of stuff that I haven't worn in ages.  Most of that hangs anyway (the rest goes in the drawers under my bed).

UPDATE: So, took the small table mostly apart last night.  Turns out the center section I want to remove is held in place by all the sides, and I'm not entirely sure how to remove them.  It looks like a slot joint, with a kind of plug hammered in at one end, but it's really hard to tell.  I may see if I can remove the plug from the one side without doing too much other damage; I can always fill in that area with epoxy or something later (I know there are clays or such for this purpose, and it's a small little spot).  Otherwise, I may just end up repainting it and leaving it at that.