I went to a Korean spa on Saturday. Now, I've been to plenty of clothing-optional resorts, and I'm not exactly inhibited, but this was literally the first time I'd been to any kind of spa or bath house. So, I was a little anxious, but I went anyway: my friend D and his husband are the ones who asked if I wanted to go, since they were going (and apparently had been before).
It wasn't bad. Some of the steam rooms had the steam on way too much for me (I actually had trouble breathing in one of them), but overall the experience was pretty relaxing. And since I'd spent the afternoon (this was at night) with my best friend, it made Saturday a really awesome day.
Which is just what I needed, since L's been having his typical chaos. The guy he was supposed to move in with on Saturday decided to "cancel" their agreement on New Year's Day. Technically, he couldn't do that, since L had keys and a contract, but the charity paying L's moving costs didn't want to pay to move L into a place where he wasn't welcome. The problem, of course, is that the lockout happens today (Monday), so this put L in a bit of a bind. The service said they'd put him up in a motel for a bit and move his stuff into storage, but that the hotel funding would take a few days to set up.
So, of course, he sent me an email saying, "Give me a call when you have a chance." Which is a signal that he's going to try and strong-arm me into something, since otherwise he'd just ask in email or call me himself. Again he asked if he could stay with me, and again I said no, and he got angry. Then his phone started cutting out, and he just hung up. I haven't really spoken to him since, so no idea what's going on at this point. But I'm also not sure I care much. I mean, I hope he gets his living situation worked out, but if he decides he doesn't want to speak to me or that I'm a horrible person, well... that's his decision.
The couple hours at the spa relaxed me, and I slept extremely well Saturday night. Also checked out a new coffee house yesterday, before hanging out with D a little; it was okay, not somewhere terribly comfortable but not horrible either. I'm still in search of a hang-out-for-an-afternoon kind of place.
Had my blood and pee tests done on Friday, and the results seem unremarkable (I don't get the STD results online, due to disclosure rules, but there's not going to be anything exciting there; the resultsI did get was things like kidney function). A couple of numbers might be a little cause of concern if they were accompanied by other signs, but they're probably just normal human variation (trace values where ideal is none kinds of things). I have my appointment with the physician to go over the results a week from today, so that would be the day I start PrEP if she sees nothing concerning.
I was actually thinking about that at the spa. The place is Korean, so there's that population obviously, but it's also something of a gay cruising joint (though relatively low-key apparently). I didn't see anyone doing anything risque, but I definitely got a lot of looks/stares. Some of that may just be because, as I said, I'm not exactly inhibited and tended to walk around naked rather than wrapped up like most of the guys.
Anyway, the thought was that I really shouldn't do anything even if the opportunity arose :) The nurse I saw pointed out that the idea of the initial STD tests was to form a baseline before giving me the prescription and to be absolutely sure I was "fine" before I started; he also said I should be careful not to do anything that might change my status between the tests and the consultation, which is basically saying "don't have sex for the week between". Which normally wouldn't even be an issue, but I also don't normally go to spas :D
Anyway, nothing happened, and it was great, and I'll probably go back again at some point (with or without D & C). It's kind of a drive, so I might also see if there's something closer to me, but I could also justify it if I got a massage or something while there (which they offer).
Should be a slow week this week (and of course saying that, things'll go crazy, right?). Though I think I want to book a camping trip out to the desert: my hiking group is going, and it's time I actually took advantage of the opportunity.
... That may be the motto for this year: taking advantage of opportunities. We'll see.
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3 comments:
Please pardon my ignorance, but other than the cost, what are the drawbacks to being on PrEP? Once you're on it, how do you expect your behavior to change?
Speaking for my (disease phobic) self, I think I'd be just as fearful whether I was on PrEP or not.
Drawbacks are part of what I'm looking into. The main potential side effect is kidney damage, but that's apparently really rare. Most of the side-effects are short-term as the body adjusts and go away after a week or to (things like light nausea or loss of appetite).
As for how my behavior will change - I don't know. I'll let you know if it does when I'm on it :) But at least theoretically, removing some of the anxiety about what could go wrong or happen will allow me to be more willing.
Theoretically, daily PrEP + condoms makes HIV transmission via anal sex almost impossible; less-than-daily or without condoms (or with condoms breaking or such) still keeps it over 90%. Oral transmission is pretty low anyway, so PrEP knocks that down a lot as well. I don't generally like anal sex and have always used condoms when I've done it, but even knocking a few percent off of "safer sex" and a whole lot off of "oops" or condom tears seems pretty much worth it to me.
This article sums up my feelings pretty well: http://lgbtweekly.com/2014/11/26/what-i-did-for-prevention-on-sex-love-condoms-and-prep/
"PrEP scares people. And for good reason. There are legitimate concerns regarding the side effects, public health ramifications, the stigma of HIV, access to insurance, primary care doctor education – the list goes on. Notice one of the legitimate concerns I did not list was PrEP’s efficacy. I am willing to have an open, nuanced conversation about almost any aspect of PrEP including conjecture about how it will affect peoples’ lives. But we can’t have that conversation if we don’t acknowledge one truth: PrEP, when taken every day, is extremely effective at preventing the acquisition of HIV."
This year, one out of 50 gay men will be diagnosed with HIV for the first time, often after having had sex with someone they didn't know was infected and often after further had sex with people without knowing they themselves were infected. That's frightening. Go to any bar, look around, and one of the people in the room - or more - will be hit.
I don't want to be that person, and this seems the best way (for now) to do so. Who knows; maybe in 3-5 years that HIV vaccine will be shown to be as or more effective, and I can switch. But we are here and it is now. PrEP doesn't need to be a life-long choice - just until something better comes along.
... Minor correction to myself. the correct number is about 1 out of every 120 MSM. I did a division when I shouldn't have. That's still pretty frightening.
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