Waiting to exhale

"It's like you were holding your breath... It's your turn to exhale now."  -- Love, Simon

On Saturday, I told my parents that I've been accepted to UCI and that I've been going to school for three years.  The response was oddly muted, more shrugged off than anything.  My mom did say that I was "following in [her] footsteps", since she got her CPA at 37 or something; it kind of annoyed me, but that's just her way of making it (in at least some small way) about her, which is expected.

They also, later that evening, offered to help pay for university.  I am extremely conflicted about this: I've been telling them for years that I wanted them to spend more money on themselves and not worry about any of us kids or inheritance or anything.  Now that they've decided not to take any more major trips, I haven't been sure what they want to do with their money or time - but apparently this is something they want to do.  On the flipside, I'd be an idiot to turn down free money, and I know they can actually afford it (my parents are, technically, millionaires if the price of the house and all their assets are included; that's the result of a lot of luck and a whole lot of hard work).

I'm really hoping I get a full-ride offer from one of the privates and thus can legitimately tell my parents I don't need the money.

This whole experience was, oddly, like coming out a second time to them.  I even joked about it when I was there.  In some ways, though, this was harder: most of my self-image problems and anxiety are explicitly tied to school and crap that they were at least partially responsible for, whereas being gay wasn't ever really something bad to me (I basically came out as soon as I realized).

I keep thinking about that quote.  I think I'm still holding my breath a bit and will continue to do so until I actually formally make a decision on school.  Of course, then I'm likely to be massively busy with moving and organizing and such, but I feel like it'll still be the moment of relief that I've needed for at least the last couple of years, if not several decades.

The other quote - that I deserve to be happy - is probably going to have to wait a while.  One self-image crisis at a time, please.

EDIT:
And I just heard from Harvey Mudd that they're closing their transfer applications entirely without accepting anyone due to higher than expected traditional enrollment.  They're also refunding all fees collected, which is rather cool of them.  I mean, I'd rather get an acceptance letter than a check, but at least I know it wasn't an actual rejection.

So, the tally is updated to 1 for 1 of 4, with 1 disqualified.