Spending money sucks

So, $3700 in car repairs and maintenance, but this should get the car into great shape for the next few years.  I know, it's a lot, especially for a 12-year-old car.  But I do *not* want to take on a car payment right now: my finances for the next two-three years are completely up in the air.

I've got some money saved to cover it (though I wasn't expected it to cost quite that much; they'd estimated $2500), to it won't hurt quite as bad.  But I've also made a financial decision that I think is smart at this point.  I think.

I've stopped my voluntary contributions to my retirement funds.  That was at 9%, which will mean (after taxes) another $300 or so per check.  I was already setting aside $200 specifically for new expenses, and with the changes in the tax law and my recent raise, I should be getting an additional $200 a check.  So, that's $700 every two weeks that I'm going to explicitly set aside for this expense and future expenses.  With my tax refund (which is usually at least $1000 and sometimes a lot more), I should be in decent shape by my birthday.

I did the math, and stopping my contributions doesn't change my overall totals much.  The account is already growing more from internal returns than from contributions, and the company still puts in 6% on my behalf regardless of what I do.  Plus, I'm planning on pulling out chunks for school anyway.  My estimates were all based on having $340k-$350k in my accounts by my birthday, and I'll still be in that window even if the market slows down significantly (I'm currently getting 15-20% returns and budgeting for 9%).  And paying off debt and having actual cash available penalty-free for moving or other expenses seems like the more responsible thing to do at this point.

... I know, this sounds like rationalization rather than reasoning, but it's actually something I've thought a lot about.  Paying off debt *does* make more sense than investing, since the debt is at higher interest than I'm getting on the market (though only barely right now).  Really, the issue is the withdrawal penalty later: for school fees, it's waived, but I should save up for moving and deposit and such as well.  I'll probably draw a financial "line" and budget around that: if I hit the line early (higher tax return, manage to spend less in general, etc.), I'll start contributions up again.

Basically, I'm at $324k right now.  With the company's 0.06% contribution only and an assumed 9% annual growth rate, I'll be at $341k just after my birthday (end of June).  If I transition to part time at that point (20 hours a week at the same wage), and assuming I go to a UC and end up paying for everything, I'm counting on about $20k taken out at the end of August each year for two years.  I should still be at $370k by my 43rd birthday, which is still over 3x my current annual salary and still 2 years ahead of schedule - and again, that's with just the company's contributions and nothing from me.

If I switch back to my 9% contribution when I go to part time (in addition to the company's 6%), I'll be at $382k at 43 - so the difference isn't all that much: about $10k in contributions and $2k in interest.  I know, it adds up over time, and so it's worth it to start back up again as soon as reasonable.

But I do think this is the responsible decision for where I am at the moment.  I just hope I'm right.

Not saying it

So, I've interacted with a pretty broad swath of folks through various mediums - blogs, gaming, specialty forums, etc.  Even a few times face to face.

I also tend to isolate and siphon different aspects of my life pretty well.  It's not generally a matter of shame or fear or protecting people or any actual conscious effort; I'm just private by nature and tend to include in that privacy a lack of talking to people about things that happen in my life when they aren't around.  Honestly, that's part of the reason why the whole blogging thing never really took off with me: it just feels counter to my nature.

The one place where many of these different branches of life come together for me is on Facebook.  Now, I don't post much on FB myself - at least not on my own wall (see my above blogging comment) - but I like to read what everyone else is doing and offer brief comments or even just know that my friends are (largely) okay and content.

If I could, I would restrict things so that friends couldn't see what I'd posted on other friends' walls (at least not through me), but that's not an option.  So, occasionally, a conversation somewhere will randomly pull in a friend from a different circle.  Usually this is okay or at worst a moment of slight discomfort; only once or twice has it erupted into a downright argument.  But in general, I'm able to keep the groups separate without conflicts.

To make things even more complicated, however, some of those specific groups have had their own internal rifts and issues - sometimes over legitimate problems, often over just growth and change of personalities.  It seems that ever year or so, there will be another kerfluffle of telling people to unfriend over some wrong (real or perceived), and the battle lines get drawn and the schism is had.  I got so many "I have mutuals with this person; please unfriend them or I'll have to unfriend you" that I finally hid my friends list (which makes such knowledge impossible).

A year or two ago, one such schism happened when one friend H pointed out that another friend E was narcissistic and abusive.  E was a closer to certain circles of various underprivileged and unprivileged groups, while H was closer to some of the more formal or professional types, and the schism took the form of  E saying "H is a -phobe and their friends are all as bad", and the two sides parting over this.

I'm still "friends" with both (H I've interacted with more, including some work-related stuff, while E is someone I only know through forums and online) and kept out of it.  I think H was right, but E looked to be changing/trying to improve.  I wasn't really risking anything on a friendship with E, so I had no reason not to keep the communications line open, as they say.

Well, there's been another kerfluffle.  A whole bunch of the people who sided with E over H and defended E have, due to some recent events, started calling out E as - get this - a narcissist and abuser.  De-friending has started, and I'm expecting the warring posts here shortly (one is already up).

I'm watching this happen, and there's a part of my brain screaming, "H said this years ago, and you all demonized H for it.  I don't suppose any of you are going to remember and actually apologize?"  But I know it wouldn't be productive - not at the moment, and perhaps not ever.  H can be rather tactless, and part of the problem I think was *how* H said things rather than what was said.  What came afterwards has probably burned any hope of a bridge there forever, so bringing H back into this would likely just make the mess worse.

But when the "we told you so" is so fucking obvious, it's really hard not saying it.

Changing pace

Palm Springs was pretty relaxing; I actually slept a lot, which I didn't realize I needed to do, and certainly took advantage of the hot tub.  No hookups, though I had a few offers - mostly from people to whom I wasn't attracted in the slightest, but that's pretty typical -

[Lest that sound really snobby, my "type" actually *isn't* muscled up or gym bunnies or models.  I tend to find myself most attracted more average or slightly lean guys, what many people would call "cute" faces but not strikingly good looking, and pretty basic everyday types all around]

- this time there appeared to be a lot of older guys who were either new to being gay or new to clothing optional resorts, and one of my big turn-offs is someone who explicitly has a major insecurity or unresolved self-image conflict and wants me to help them fix it or figure it out.  I'm totally willing to help, but that immediately kills any possible chemistry for me (which is generally a good thing, I think).

My hair is blond(ish) again, after even just the three days in the sun.  And even then I was being judicious about staying in the shade as much as reasonable.  I keep feeling like I should get back into working out or doing yoga, even just a little, but I know that as soon as school starts up in February, I'm liable to run out of time again.  This semester should be a little light - only 12 units, and 7 of those are programming classes - so maybe I could sustain it.

Also just got my raise, effective yesterday.  I was expecting about 3%-4%, to put me around $118k, and I got 3.77% and am at almost $118,700.  With the performance of my IRAs and my current contribution rate, I should almost hit $350k by my birthday.  Since that would be just under 3x my annual salary when I'm 41, that puts me 4 years ahead of schedule.  Depending on what happens with school, I should be good: to hit 3x my salary by 45, with no additional contributions added and a reasonable return, I should have about $272k in my IRAs by 41.  So, that'll give me $70k-80k to play with for school, which is more than I'd need for UCs and even a significant portion of a private school's cost.  Still hoping for scholarships and funding, though.

Speaking of school, working on the last two applications this month; they're due in February.  One of the guys in the hot tub actually wrote our programming book and was really pushing for me to apply to MIT; that's not on my list right now and something I'd have to do separately (actually, looking at their site, they have standardized tests I would have had to have taken by the end of December, so that's that).  But the other two are almost done: I have a couple of forms to have schools fill out, and I need to nudge two of my instructor recommendations, but everything else is basically done.  I'll probably do a last pass on the essays (or maybe two).

This is hopefully going to end up being an exciting and good-scary year for me.  I have no idea how it'll all end up, but I'm looking forward to it.

Oh, and just cuz, the Earth passed perihelion on January 2nd at 9:35 pm Pacific.  We're now in the process of slowing down for 6 months, until just before the 4th of July when we'll reach aphelion and start speeding back up.  Hope everyone had their seat belt on at the time.