Jupiter Rising

I'm sitting on a lounge chair at a clothing optional resort in Palm Springs.  We're "social distancing" (which is an annoying phrase but conveys useful information), and it's outdoors with enough air circulation, so the risk is pretty minimal.  It's not a big place, and almost everyone is being good about the rules (a few people have to be reminded to back off a bit once in a while).

Right now - 11 pm, about 85 degrees - there are a few different "couples" floating in the pool, a few more sitting around the skirt on lounges spaced about 8-10 feet apart.  No one in the hot tub, though a few people have been in it in groups of up to three at various points (including me, by myself).

Antares, to the south, is about at its zenith for the night.  Vega's up and over my left shoulder, Arcturus over my right, and Altair is hanging out to the east.  The moon hasn't quite set yet, and I'm half-waiting for Jupiter (and maybe Saturn) to poke up over the bushes.

In an hour, I'll be 43.  Other than being prime, it's not a huge deal.  It doesn't mean I'll have any less homework due on Tuesday, or any shorter of a drive home on Thursday, or anything really.  Part of me thinks it'd be nice if there were someone for me to be in the pool with; I've been hit on by a few of the other single guys here, which is kind of refreshing (one thought I was mid-20s, which I haven't heard in ages), but I'm not "feeling it" with any of them.  I'd rather have a friend to just hang out with and maybe cuddle up to even without sex than some few-night stand that seems entirely sex-based.

Someone literally said to me, "If you're single and you're not here to have sex, why the fuck are you here?"  I suppose that pretty well encapsulates my conflict with much of the gay community around here.  Another guy mentioned he's "39 and wanting to settle down" - an half an hour later was sticking his finger in some guy's ass (unwanted, which caused a minor amount of conflict for a bit).

I've always felt like I'm trapped between worlds.  As a teen, I had a series of dreams involving this guy named Peragin whose face I can never remember, even when other parts of the dream are crystal clear.  One of them centered on the idea of being "AC/DC" in his words - of not being one thing, but not being the other, and never quite fitting with either.  The analogy I use most is being fluent in a language but lacking any knowledge of the culture, so while you can converse, the jokes and subtleties all go over your head.  Being in the world but not of it.

Oh men, it must ever be, that we dwell in our dreaming and singing/ a little apart from ye.

Oh well.

The old man just poked his head above the bushes.  Next up should be Saturn, though I'm not actually sure how bright he is typically.  Jupiter's easily one of the brightest things in the sky, now that Luna's below the hills.

Anyway, enjoy Pride, however you celebrate it, if you do.  If you don't, enjoy your Sunday, the last Sunday in the first half of the year.  July 2nd actually starts the second half.  And if you happen to be out at night and can see the stars (or things that look like stars), come up with a name for one and wave at it for me.  They get lonely up there, and I can't watch for them all.