Curves to infinity

So, finally got my test back.  98 out of 100, with two points off for transcription errors (so I had entirely the correct logic but mistranscribed something from one line to the next).

Possibly, based on statements by the prof, the highest score in the class.  And already it seems I have a reputation.

We had a quiz last night (which was easy), and after we finish the quiz, we're allowed out on break.  So, a bunch of us were hanging around outside the classroom.  I was talking with another guy who I've chatted with a few times; he got a 95, and I told him I got a 98, so we were joking about retaking tests and such*.  A few minutes later, standing by myself, someone else I haven't talked to at all came up and said, "So, you're the curve breaker for the class I guess, eh?", smiling while he said it.

I demurred (and we're not graded on a curve, so it's not really accurate), but I was kind of taken aback.  I'd only told the other guy my score, we were talking quietly, and he'd gone off to the concierge without talking to anyone else.  How did this guy (and apparently others, because I got a few comments after that) know I'd done so well?

Flashbacks to high school, certainly.  I'm one test into my college career (if I have one) and already facing down expectations.

Anyway, the 98 puts me above the track I'd set for myself, so I'm very pleased.  Next test is in two weeks, with another quiz Tuesday and no class Thursday.  I'm very comfortable at this point: starting off better than expected means having more leeway and thus even less pressure.  I still need to kick butt, and I think I will, but it's a good place to be in.

The new guys in the building are back, and I helped them move a 400-lb cabinet up to their apartment (and saved them $200 or so in movers fees doing it).  Was only a little stiff the next day, so yay for that.

Not sure I want to see the Stonewall movie this weekend.  Have to think about it more.

* If you have missed one class or less, the Prof will let you re-take a test in the last week (post-final) of class.  When I said, I got a 98, he said, "Ha, I only got a 95."  I commented that it was still an A, and still pretty damned good, and he said something about it not being a 98.  So I joked with him and said, "Well, maybe this'll be your lowest test score and you can retake it at the end of class."  To which he laughed and replied that if a 95 was his lowest score, he wasn't retaking shit.

Functions over time

I totally forgot how much I love math.  I mean, I didn't actually forget, but it's not something that comes up much.  Distance tends to dull impressions.

And by "math" I don't really mean algebra and trig and such.  To me, "math" means calculus.  It means differentials and integration and the relationships between functions...  The math of science.  The math that explains all the other math.

The first chapter for Calc-1 is always the basic stuff, limits and tangent lines and some proofs.  My first time through, it was definitely my least favorite part of the class, but it's still at least a little interesting.  This time, I didn't have a problem with it because I knew what was coming next.  Well, I say "didn't", but the test isn't until Thursday.  That's when we're officially done with this chapter.

But, due to time constraints during the week, I tend to do the homework assignments early on the weekend.  I finished all the remaining homework for this chapter on Saturday.  Then, on Sunday, I did the first assignment for the next chapter.

And fell in love again.

I mean, it's just basic differentiation.  For those who don't know, that's essentially calculating the relative differences between values in a function (hence the name), usually shortened to the slope for early stuff but eventually getting more complex.

But even just doing differentiation, we can start to describe the why behind all that crap we had to learn in geometry and trig and algebra 2, like how the relationship between the area of a circle and its circumference is the same as the relationship between the volume of a sphere and its surface area.

I'm having fun again.  I know I'll be (largely needlessly) nervous about the test on Thursday, just because it's the first test and it's on a topic I'm less enthused about.  But I know what's coming next, and I'm really looking forward to it.

This is why I enrolled in the first place, and it's what I completely missed my first attempt at college (I didn't take any science courses).  Even if the degree path doesn't work out, this is what I wanted to do.

Sums and Differences

So, I've had two calculus classes, and I'm running into a wall I haven't had to deal with for years.


We had a quiz on Thursday covering the prior day's section.  It was just two problems, and both had been on the homework we'd done.  The prof gave us 30 minutes to do it, with a 10 minute break after; anyone who finished early could go on break early and hang around outside.


I was done in about 10 minutes (takes a bit to write it all out), along with 3-4 other people.  The rest of the class (36 total) took longer, with about half the class taking 25+ minutes.


Outside, talking with some of the other students, it became really obvious that the answers I got and the logic I used to get them was completely different than what most of them did.  While it's entirely possible I bombed the quiz, looking up the problems when I got home seems to indicate I got them right.


And thus we run smack dab into a situation I dealt with all the time in high school and really haven't faced since then: either the work is easy and everyone else is abnormally slow, or the work is hard and I'm just abnormally fast.


I know, I know, that's a problem everyone would like to have.  Except, it's not.  Remember, I have trouble with thinking of other people as "people" anyway; I have to constantly reinforce the notion that they are actual people just like me.


But in high school, there were all these constant reminders that I wasn't like everyone else.  Sure, in possibly good ways, but different is still different, and when you spend a lot of effort trying to remember how similar people are, constant reminders that you're different are a bad thing.


At work, my job requirements are so unique and so different from those of my coworkers that there's no real way to compare my skills to theirs.  I just operate under the (largely valid) assumption that they're just as smart as I am (or vice versa) but in different fields.


And that's entirely possible for the people in my class, except that most of them are *also* going for engineering, which means this is exactly the kind of thing they should be good at.  There's very little wiggle room for comparisons when you all take the same test and get a score at the end.


I'm... not sure how I'm going to work through this.  I don't want to become the guy I was in high school.  Luckily I do have some absolutely brilliant friends, so maybe I just need to hang out with them more to keep me in my mental place.


Anyway, beyond that little complication, homework is going to be something of an issue.  The average assignments are about 3.5-4h a section, and most Tuesdays we'll be covering two sections.  Which means having 7-8 hours of homework that has to get done between 9:30 pm Tuesday and 7 pm Thursday, in addition to 16 hours of work and 16-20 hours of sleep.  Essentially, if anything else is going on for Wednesday, I'm SOL.


So, I'm taking this weekend to try and get ahead a bit on the homework.  I've already finished what is due Tuesday, and I'm working on what will be due Thursday (about half-way done).  Tomorrow, I'll try to do what will be due *next* Tuesday, and then hopefully be able to keep ahead of the assignments so I don't run into problems.  That means doing probably double the work per section for the moment, since I don't have the list of problems to do and thus am doing all of them, but it should keep a margin for me.


Besides, other than the callouses from holding a pencil so long (we have to do the homework in pencil and paper), I'm actually enjoying the work.  And we're not even at the fun stuff yet (integration and derivatives).


It does mean I may have to reconsider how many classes I want to take next semester.  Three may be pushing it.

Planetary alignments

A medical test I was really dreading got cancelled on Thursday because it was deemed unnecessary.


I had a date on Friday that went well, and I think we'll be going out again.


Spent most of the day yesterday hanging out with friends at Hurricane Harbor.


Today, I met two guys (a couple) from out of state who just moved into the apartment complex and are gamers.


I start classes in a little over a week, and I'm getting excited.


It's been a pretty good few days.  Here's hoping it continues.

Outlook Good

I took my placements yesterday.

I was actually rather nervous, in that general OCD-kicked-into-high-gear way.  I knew I'd do perfectly fine on the English and basic algebra sections, but the whole point of my going back to school was to (re)take calculus and get into the more advanced sciences.  While I was reasonably sure I'd do fine on the College Algebra test, the test is rather short: a couple of asinine mistakes could have bumped me below Calculus, and that would have put a major damper on my enthusiasm.

Turns out, I didn't have much to stress over (as usual).  Aced the English sections, aced the math sections.  I've registered for the Calc-A class I wanted on the days I wanted (a slot opened up the day I took the placements, so it was serendipitous).  I'm doing a group-counseling session today, just because we're supposed to, but there won't be any problems.  I even ordered my parking permit for the semester.

Of course, I'm also looking into taking another class.  Most are full at this point, of course, as the semester starts in a couple of weeks.  However, there's one class with a lot of room that will both count towards my transfer as well as I think be right up my alley: Astronomy.  It's not the basic "this is a planet" astronomy; this one requires trig and goes over orbital mechanics and other technical details.

The only reason I haven't signed up for it yet is that it would mean classes four days a week (Monday through Thursday, all 7 pm to 9:30ish).  I'm not sure if I want to make that kind of commitment yet.  But it would bump me up to 7 total credits for the semester, which puts me in the officially-part-time group, and I think actually might be something I'd really like.  It'd mean I'd have to give up the hikes on Monday, but it could also be really fun.

I'll keep thinking about it - the class is nowhere near full, and I've got a couple weeks left.  Something else that would be interesting might open up as well (I qualify for Chem 1A, but there aren't any classes even with waiting lists that would work for me).  If the counseling session today provides some other incentive for taking another class, that'll probably push me over the edge.  But once I finish Calc A, other options open up as well.

I'm actually excited.  Who knew?

Filling the Void

I've been thinking about something for a while.

I recently got (back; I played it a bit in beta) into Kerbal Space Program.  I'm having fun with it - or, to be more accurately, I'm loving obsessing over it - but there's one thing that's annoying me.

See, in the game (if you don't know), you're building rockets and landers and satellites and such in a mostly-real-world physics setting.  You have you launch them, get them into stable orbit, manage trans-body insertion trajectories, etc.  The game helps you with some of this, of course, so amateurs can play and have fun.  There's a sandbox mode that lets you just go crazy.

But I'm doing "career mode", which means you start off with only basic parts and have to explore and bring back science reports and such to get better tech and more money.  One thing that is bothering me is how to efficiently design and build rockets.  I mean, you start off just slapping things together and seeing if it works - that's half the fun - and after a while you sort of get a rough feeling for how much fuel you need or how to set up your staging.

But since it's based on real-world physics (slightly simplified, but not as much as you'd think), there are ways to actually *know* what you need to do for all of these.  It's not easy - it's literally rocket science - but it's possible.

And I'm annoyed that I don't have the knowledge to do so.

Okay, yes, I know basic physics, and I know some of the equations, but frankly I haven't really done calculus in over 20 years, and I never got very far into this kind of physics.  Which is really weird, since space travel is one of my favorite things.  So, now that I've realized how much I don't know about the fundamentals, I'm rather piqued at myself and insisting I figure them out.

And this goes back to what I've been thinking about for a while.  I literally live down the street from one of the best junior colleges in SoCal (well, and the best technical school in the world, but that's separate).  When I go on my walks, it's one of the things I pass.  And for a while, I've been considering signing up to take a class or two.

That has complications.  I know me.  I did horribly at college last time I tried: lectures are so not my thing; as much as I tell people I dropped out because I was making $100 an hour (which is true), I aso dropped out because it just wasn't working.  I also need downtime, by myself, to recharge, and I'm not sure if I'm really prepared to commit to 2 or 4 or however many hours a week after work to take the classes I'd want.

But I also know that independent study only goes so far for some things, and that structured educational environments and feedback from other participants matter.

I don't know that I'd even think about aiming for a degree - that's an entirely separate discussion.  But taking a Calculus refresher, or some more advanced math, or getting into physics or even an elective or two, seems like something I might - might - enjoy.

I'm going to get a couple old text books and try to refresh my memory on some things.  We'll see how it goes.  But I'm thinking I might sign up for one class - just one - next semester.  We'll see how that works out.

Sin City (and adjacents)

Vegas, baby.  Multi-day drinking binges, gambling thousands of dollars at the blackjack table, snorting coke off of naked dancers.  It's party city.


Or, at least, it probably was for some of the people there.  Me, I was getting up before 7 to go stand (well, sit, mostly) in a booth in a largely-empty convention hall for 10 hours a day.  There'd be a few people coming in during breaks and lunch sessions, but I spent most of my time playing Civ:BE and chatting with the two women who I was theoretically "training" on how we do this sort of thing.


I gambled $3 - one $1 a day on a slot machine outside the elevators.  Didn't win anything.  One of the women dropped $300 or so on roulette, I think, but that was about it.  No shows, nothing exciting.  Heck, I didn't even look up what gay nightlife there was, since I was basically stuck with the coworkers.  The only cute guy I saw at all was on the plane over (30s finance guy, we chatted about 401ks and how guilty he should - or shouldn't - feel about screwing around in Vegas while his girlfriend was back home).


I do have to say, the hotels are huge.  It doesn't help that they kind of run into each other continuously, so that there's limited division between one and the other.  And even then, half of them are owned by the same company or two, so it's more branding than any real difference.


I think, if I were to go back for any reason, I'd drive next time.  I swore I looked it up and saw it was seven hours, but that may have been at peak traffic in LA; it should only be about four most of the time, and I wasted that gets to the airport and waiting for the flight.


I was dead tired when I got back, though, and only just yesterday (Saturday) really managed to catch up.  I got a massage on Tuesday to try and relax a bit, but it didn't help that much.  So I then asked C and D is they wanted to go back to the spa on Friday night; they asked if we could do it Saturday night, so we did that instead.  I had to have L drive himself to the bar, which he wasn't too upset about, but it made it much easier.


... I guess is this where I say that C and D and I finally fooled around a bit. Not at the spa; they apparently saw some people getting it on in one of the steam rooms, and then someone else out on the patio, but that was all.  I was there to actually relax and use it how it's meant (timing myself in the steam or heat rooms, cold shower afterwards, repeat, etc.).  Afterwards, they invited me back to their place to "help" D give C a massage, and I said sure.


The massage went well - I'm actually really good at it; I ought to be, I've had enough of them - and then we of course slipped into fooling around.  D kind of passed out tired, but I got C off before he and I hit the sack.  Then more blow jobs and jacking off in the morning for all three of us.  Fun stuff.  No awkwardness in the morning, no real problems during the night.  We'll have to see if/when it happens again, though I'm pretty certain it will at some point.  It's nice having friends you can just screw around with and not have to worry about consequences.


I got home about 9 am, showered (and took my pill, since I didn't have any with me), and then slept until noon.  When I woke up, I was (and still partly am) completely sore all up and down my body.  I think it's a good thing, as I think it's from the heat/cold treatments in the spa (I had a little of this last time), but only massive hunger got me out of bed.  And I'm sitting here right now trying not to fall asleep while my Indian food delivery comes for dinner.  Definitely going to be an early night.


I'm also on call for jury duty this week; I checked earlier, and don't have to go in tomorrow, but of course I'll have to check up ever night after 5 pm to see.  I doubt they'd ever put me on a jury - I'm like every litigator's worst nightmare, what with being both pretty well-versed in legal process and law itself and a pretty vocal proponent of jury nullification.  But if I have to go down to the courthouse, I'll just catch the light rail straight there.


The guys have plans for Easter weekend, so I'll have to figure out what I want to do.  Might just staycation it, maybe do a few day trips places.  Should be a decent time of year for such.


Anyway, food should be arriving shortly.

RIP: Terry Pratchett

In many of Terry Pratchett's novels, the character Death appears.  He is a bony skeleton in a black robe with a scythe and speaking in all caps, but he's also curious and interested and actually cares about people.  In many ways, I see him as Terry Pratchett writing himself into his novels: Pratchett the atheist, Pratchett the curious, Pratchett the caring, and Pratchett who never quite "got it" as far as people were concerned.  All the characteristics that made him a great author and an even better person.  The following are two of my favorite scenes of his that really show who Death is.

From Hogfather:

“All right," said Susan. "I'm not stupid. You're saying humans need... fantasies to make life bearable."

REALLY? AS IF IT WAS SOME KIND OF PINK PILL? NO. HUMANS NEED FANTASY TO BE HUMAN. TO BE THE PLACE WHERE THE FALLING ANGEL MEETS THE RISING APE.

"Tooth fairies? Hogfathers? Little—"

YES. AS PRACTICE. YOU HAVE TO START OUT LEARNING TO BELIEVE THE LITTLE LIES.

"So we can believe the big ones?"

YES. JUSTICE. MERCY. DUTY. THAT SORT OF THING.

"They're not the same at all!"

YOU THINK SO? THEN TAKE THE UNIVERSE AND GRIND IT DOWN TO THE FINEST POWDER AND SIEVE IT THROUGH THE FINEST SIEVE AND THEN SHOW ME ONE ATOM OF JUSTICE, ONE MOLECULE OF MERCY. AND YET—Death waved a hand. AND YET YOU ACT AS IF THERE IS SOME IDEAL ORDER IN THE WORLD, AS IF THERE IS SOME...SOME RIGHTNESS IN THE UNIVERSE BY WHICH IT MAY BE JUDGED.

"Yes, but people have got to believe that, or what's the point—"

MY POINT EXACTLY.

And a longer section, perhaps the ultimate example.  From "Reaper Man":

The journey took an instant that would have taken mere light three hundred million years, but Death travels inside that space where Time has no meaning. Light thinks it travels faster than anything but it is wrong. No matter how fast light travels it finds the darkness has always got there first, and is waiting for it.

There was company on the ride - galaxies, stars, ribbons of shining matter, streaming and eventually spiraling towards the distant goal.

Death on his pale horse moved down the darkness like a bubble on a river.

And every river flows somewhere.

And then, below, a plain. Distance was as meaningless here as time. but there was a sense of hugeness. The plain could have been a mile away, or a million miles; it was marked by long valleys or rills which flowed away to either side as he got closer.

And landed.

He dismounted, and stood in the silence. Then he went down on one knee.

Change the perspective. The furrowed landscape falls away into immense distances, curves at the edges, becomes a fingertip.

Azrael raised his finger to a face that filled the sky, lit by the faint glow of dying galaxies.

There are a billion Deaths, but they are all aspects of the one Death: Azrael, the Great Attractor, the Death of Universes, the beginning and end of time.

Most of the universe is made up of dark matter, and only Azrael knows who it is.

Eyes so big that a supernova would be a mere suggestion of a gleam on the iris turned slowly and focused on the tiny figure on the immense whorled plains of his fingertips. Beside Azrael the big Clock hung in the centre of the entire web of the dimensions, and ticked onward. Stars glittered in Azrael's eyes.

The Death of the Discworld stood up.

LORD, I ASK FOR -

Three of the servants of oblivion slid into existence alongside him.

One said, Do not listen. He stands accused of meddling.

One said, And morticide.

One said, And pride. And living with intent to survive.

One said, And fighting with chaos against good order.

Azrael raised an eyebrow.

The servants drifted away from Death, expectantly.

LORD, WE KNOW THERE IS NO GOOD ORDER EXCEPT THAT WHICH WE CREATE...

Azrael's expression did not change.

THERE IS NO HOPE BUT US. THERE IS NO MERCY BUT US. THERE IS NO JUSTICE. THERE IS JUST US.

The dark, sad face filled the sky.

ALL THINGS THAT ARE, ARE OURS. BUT WE MUST CARE. FOR IF WE DO NOT CARE, WE DO NOT EXIST. IF WE DO NOT EXIST, THEN THERE IS NOTHING BUT BLIND OBLIVION. AND EVEN OBLIVION MUST END SOME DAY. LORD, WILL YOU GRANT ME JUST A LITTLE TIME? FOR THE PROPER BALANCE OF THINGS. TO RETURN WHAT WAS GIVEN. FOR THE SAKE OF PRISONERS AND THE FLIGHT OF BIRDS.

Death took a step backwards.

It was impossible to read expression in Azrael's features.

Death glanced sideways at the servants.

LORD, WHAT CAN THE HARVEST HOPE FOR, IF NOT FOR THE CARE OF THE REAPER MAN?

Interlude

Ever have one of those days when you wake up and every part of you feels off?

Yeah, that's my day today.  Headache, slight nausea (had some breakfast, seems to be going away), sore muscles, tired (damned DST change)... about the only thing I don't have is sinus problems; if I did, this would be a classic sick day.  As it is, I'm just hoping it wears off enough that I can focus for work.

Part of the malaise is because I hiked on Saturday: 7 miles to the top of Mt. Allen/Sandstone Peak, which is the highest point in the Santa Monica Mountains.  It was fun, and I'm glad I went, but it was hot enough that the effort pretty much killed me for the rest of the day.  Or, rather, it should have; I went out with L anyway, including a point where he said, "I'm just going to use the restroom and then we can go," and then proceeded to walk over and chat with someone for twenty minutes.  I swear I was about to get up and tell him to take a cab because I was going home just as he came back and apologized.

And then on Sunday I had to head up to my parents' place to mow their lawn (their on vacation), then hung out with C and D by the pool for a chunk of the afternoon.  And then tried the new Civilization: Beyond Earth for a while and was up far later than I should have been without the time change.

So, all in all, I can't blame anyone else for how I feel this morning, but that doesn't make it any better.

Heading to Vegas for a conference this weekend.  It'll be my first time in Vegas in over 20 years, though I'm not going to have a whole lot of time for sight-seeing.  I'm basically spending the trip baby-sitting others at the conference booth, teaching them how to sell the product.  We'll see how it goes, but I'm anxious for them to take over as much of the responsibility as possible.

Starting to plan a mini-vacation for Easter weekend.  Might rent a cabin up in Big Bear with C and D - one with a hot tub.

Anyway, back to work - query's done.

Pre-weekend

No romantic plans for valentines day.  Probably going to dinner with L, probably (hopefully) breaking it to him that I want some of my Saturday nights back (basically, that I want to have the option of doing other stuff and that some of that will be last-minute-ish).  Might be hitting the spa with D and C, though that might be Sunday.  If it's Saturday, I'll have to figure out how to handle L, since I'm not going to want to drive back up to the Valley just to come back.  Maybe I can dump him in a cab or something.  If they decide before tomorrow morning, I can of course, make L drive down and meet me or something similar.  I've told him before that I'm not his chauffeur.

I *am* getting a massage tonight, at a place near my house.  It's just a massage place, though it's called a "spa" (not one of those little store-front things; this is an actual large facility), but it's not terribly expensive. So, we'll see how it goes.  1.5h, male therapist, focusing on swedish and sports massage.  Looking forward to it: I normally only do massages on my vacations, but I haven't had one in ages.

Booked some time off for Easter weekend; theoretically, it's to go to the Grand Canyon with the hiking group, but the more I read about where they're camping, the less enthusiastic I am: it reads like putting a tent up in a mall parking lot.  Not only flush toilets and potable water, but showers, laundry(!), and major grocery stores within a half-mile(!!).  I'm just not feeling it.  So, I may head out somewhere else for fun.