I survived Death Valley

... and I didn't even get a lousy t-shirt.

Actually, it was fun.  Well, mostly fun in the "new experience" sense, partly fun in the "actually entertaining" sense.  Worth going, certainly.

I'll probably do a full adventure-post or two later once my pictures are all done.  It won't be for a few days, as I slept 13 hours last night and will probably sleep another 10-12 tonight, plus I have to go to my parents' tomorrow to talk about taxes, so I won't even start working on them until late tomorrow or Wednesday.

Those posts, however, won't contain certain details.  So, to start with, D and C have an open marriage; D is far more playful/outgoing that C is, and C's a bit not-quite-stuffy in most situations, but C has no problem with D going out and messing around.  There are a couple of limitations there, but the main one - which is extremely amusing to me - is that D has to send back photos or texts while doing it so that C can "participate" :)

Well, Thursday night, I crashed out early but D had something of a party in his tent with some of the other like-aged guys; stripping when you lost was par for the course, and the expected shenanigans ended up happening (I didn't find this out until Friday morning).  Apparently, D even tried to get me involved at one point when he heard me coming back from the restroom, but I didn't hear him (I was pretty zonked).

Because of all the hiking Friday, everyone headed to bed early that night; D only had one guy in his tent, someone who forgot to bring their own for some reason.  I was told on Saturday that, for specific reasons, C wasn't happy about the exact individual staying twice, so D told me "You'd better have stay with you tonight; don't worry, he's a great cuddler."

To effect that, we planned on having the Saturday night party in my tent - especially since it was larger.  As part of that plan, D moved his air mattress over.  We ended up with six guys in there total, and most of naked after a long round of strip-go-fish (don't ask) and all naked after a few rounds of truth or dare.  As it was already after 1 by then and had been another long day, people started to get sleepy/touchy-feely at that point, and I "did my duty" and slept with .  Literally, mostly, though early in the morning he started trying to jack me off.  I didn't object, but for some reason morning wood and masturbation just don't go well for me (it takes me forever to get off), and the way we were laying, I couldn't really do him while he did me (though I did as much as I could).  When my alarm went off to take my pill, we just got up and started the day.  D had stayed as well, though the other three had gone back to their tents earlier.

(Shortly before getting up, I heard one of the trip leaders walk past and comment, "Well, it looks like someone had a party last night..."  when I got outside, I saw why: the other guys had gone through 4 or 5 bottles of booze during the games, and the bottles were strewn all over the floor of the vestibule for the tent :P )

On the drive back, D and I talked a fair bit about those fooling-around sessions (as well as a lot of other things), and I got some more details about his history and his relationship with C.  I think I also may have satisfied him that I'm in the same position about such things as he is (I'm perfectly fine with fooling around with people but only when everyone involved knows there's nothing more serious happening), because he kind of relaxed and became a bit more open after that.  We'll see if this changes our interactions at all.

But in general, I'm very glad I went.  And at my appointment with the nurse today to follow up on the Truvada stuff, he reviewed the form I filled out and said, "... so, you've fooled around a bit since last time?" with a smile.  I said, "yeah, nothing major and no actual ejaculation, but it's a start."

That's probably the best summation, on a lot of different angles.  It's a start.

Time to get ready for tonight's hike - yes, I'm a glutton for punishment.  D won't be there - he begged off as having too many chores to catch up on, but insisted he wanted to go next week (C's working late and they only have one car, so I'd have to pick him up).

Eastward bound

Packing up to go camping.  This time, it's with the outdoors group I joined.  The guys who camp are apparently much different from the guys on the weekly hike - younger age on average, for one - so this'll be a mostly new group.  I say "mostly" because D is going with me, literally in that I'm driving both of us out there.

The trip runs Thursday to Sunday, and Saturday night is a potluck.  This presented a bit of a logistics issue, since that means being able to prepare something for Saturday night without ready access to a kitchen or high-grade refrigeration (I'll have my camp stove and cooler, but, like, I wouldn't want to chance seafood for instance).

But I hit on an idea that I think will be awesome: cold noodles with peanut sauce.  I've already made the sauce up, and it's pretty awesome.  The noodles are the only part I'm hemming and hawing about: it's be easier to make them ahead of time and just keep them in the cooler until Saturday, but I don't know how they'll react to storage (most pastas are fine for a few days).  So, I made one small batch last night, added a little oil, and stuck them in the fridge.  We'll see how they are tonight when I get home.  If they're not sticking or anything, then I can make the rest up and not have to worry about taking a big pot to boil things in.  If not, I'll take the pot and cook them up Saturday afternoon.

One thing I'm a little concerned about is space in the car: one of the requirements this time is to bring a coupe bundles of firewood.  When my other friend and I went camping last time, we pretty much packed my little hatchback solid, but that was 1) with bigger bags and 2) all of his photography stuff (which ended up being a not-insignificant amount).  I'm already planning on taking a smaller bag myself, and I very much over-planned last time so there'll be at least a little more room.  But I'll have to finagle the firewood thing somehow.

... Getting about $1800 back in taxes, which will be nice.  The fed one was submitted electronically (the state requires a filing fee, so, screw that; it can get mailed), and that usually gets me the refund in a coupe of weeks.

Monday is my first follow-up on the PrEP thing.  So far, so good: my GFR is down very slightly, but that might just be normal variation kind of thing.  I've actually put on a little weight since I started taking it, though some of that is muscle.

Oh, I suppose it's worth mentioning that my dad's mother died on Sunday.  She was 95.  I hadn't seen her in like 25 years, and haven't spoken to my dad in about 19; I also respond to deaths the way others generally do.  So, I'm pretty much fine.  Ironically, my strongest response was frustration/annoyance at possibly having to deal with my father, though so far that hasn't arisen (my step-sister messaged me on Facebook about her death).  I'm definitely not going to the funeral, as that would cause more problems than it's worth (and funerals are for the living, not the dead).

In happier news, L is now has a room in a townhouse on a (theoretically) long-term basis.  He's not paying rent himself this month, so he should be building up enough in savings to cover his own butt for the near future.  Either way, there's no more risk of him having to move in with me, and I'm not bailing him out in the future.

I'm also going to Vegas for a conference in March; since I haven't been there as an adult, this may be interesting.

7 down, hundreds to go.

One week in, and the first round of side-effects is pretty much gone.  I still get a little queasy right after meals, but that fades quickly.

Some of the last-minute supplies for the camping trip are coming in.  My shower should arrive today or tomorrow - it's a pump kind, not an overhead hanging one, since I'm not all that sure there's going to be anything to hang it from at the campground.  I'll have to test it out before we go.

I still need to decide if I should get a smaller tent or just take my big one.  It's not supposed to be that cold, though it can be at times, so the extra space isn't as bad as it would be if it were close to freezing.

L's staying at a friend's place and moving into his new room on Saturday.  He says it's already paid for through February and that he's signing the lease tomorrow, so on Sunday I may finally be able to stand down from my internal DEFCON2 status.

He said something else on Saturday night that.. well, I can't say it surprised me, other than he admitted it, but it's making me think.  He got angry that someone dared to have a coat resting on an unused chair at our table (we were on one side of the table with three extra chairs on the other side), and in the ensuing kerfluffle, he said something like, "You and I obviously have different notions of propriety."  I was annoyed and didn't stop myself from responding, "I wouldn't call it propriety.  I'd say you have a stronger sense of entitlement than I do."

L replied, "Yes, I do.  I feel I'm entitled to being treated in a certain way, and if other people don't respect that, it's my job to put them in their place."

That's really problematic to me.  I mean, I've always known that about him: that, in essence, he's fallen from a definite level of privilege but still thinks the world owes him something just because of who he is.  But I was never sure if he realized it, consciously.  I guess he does.

Thinking about it on my walk yesterday, I've never known him to do anything charitable.  He flat-out stated that he just ignores "those people" if he encounters them on the street, but even with friends, I don't think he's ever done anything that didn't in some way benefit himself.  So I have to decide - scratch that, I have decided that I'm not going to waste extra effort on someone who is so ruthlessly self-centered.

I mean, I have a thing where over the years I've basically "adopted" people who I think have something useful or worthwhile to give back to the world if only their financial or other situations were stabilized.  My goal is never to change someone but to help bring out the best in them, to in a sense take away all the things that might be holding them back and say, "Okay, here: you've got the means and opportunity now; what do you want to do?" and hope they pick something that helps others.  In general, it's paid off, and I can count a handful of success stories; there's only been one failure and one "still waiting to see", though at least this last one is independent and far more happy than he used to be.  I don't know that I've said it here, but one of my philosophies has always been that you can't save the world but you can help teach the world to save itself: those are more than just words to me, and I've spent a lot of resources in trying to do it.

When I first met L, and even until today, he talked a lot about improving the world in certain ways and trying to solve various problems.  Thinking back on them, though, all his solutions or methodologies always involved him becoming rich, successful, and/or powerful in the process.  In a sense, the way he wanted to save the world was by ruling it - not for the world's benefit, but for his.

Well, if nothing else, he's to a point where he should be more stable.  I don't know if it'll mean he's more productive or happy - I hope so - but I doubt it'll mean he'll turn around and try to help others.  So, I guess that makes two in the "we'll see" column; who knows, he may surprise me.

Got a couple of hits on Tindr; we'll see if they lead anywhere.  I've also gotten back into working out more (I never really stopped, but it did fall to a pretty low maintenance level), so we'll see how things go.  I also think I'm going to sign up for a massage at a place down the street this week; it's a formal spa but only $50 for an hour.

Out with the old, in with the new.

You spin me

... just a short post, but dayumn this pill is making me feel weird.

Like, okay, I expected the nausea.  That's not horrible, though it feels more like indigestion to me than queasiness.  What I didn't expect - and am not sure how to interpret - is the weird blood-pressure-type dizziness and weirdness.  I keep getting that blurry-around-the-edges tunnel-vision thing you get when you stand up to quickly.  That's the worst piece of it, because it's actually making it hard to concentrate/focus.

Two days in a row now, it's kicked in about 1.5-2 hours after taking the pill.  I've eaten something for breakfast both days, just to try and minimize the nausea, so it's not like this is on an empty stomach.  Yesterday, it lasted until about 5-6 (so, roughly 11-12 hours).

Let's hope I don't get a bout of BPPV while this is going on; I'm not sure I'd be able to sit up.

(Got my car battery replaced yesterday and my oil changed.  Yay for adulting!)

The new one-a-day

I am so not used to spending multiple hours at the doctor's office.  My usual appointments are 15-20 minutes waiting, then like 5-10 in the consultation, then maybe a prescription on the way out the door.

First off, they took me back about twenty minutes late.  Then, the consultation with the doctor was about 20 minutes.  Then I had to talk to the pharmacist for about 10 minutes.  Then off to the pharmacy for 15 minutes, then off to the lab to get some blood drawn for yet more tests and another 20 minutes.  All in all, I was there for about two hours, but I walked out with bottle of (not-so-little) blue pills.

You're supposed to take them at the same time every day, so I'm waiting until tomorrow morning for my first.  Hopefully I don't react badly to it; the big concern is kidney function, but since those seem perfectly fine for me, the doc doesn't think it'll be a problem.  Apparently osteopenia is also a potential issue, so that's what today's blood draw was for: calcium and vitamin D levels.  My calcium test already came back fine: isn't it great that we live in an age where we can have blood drawn and two hours later have an email notifying us that the results are ready?

I'm not sure I'm going to tell anyone I'm going on this.  I mean, you guys know, and I'll probably tell one friend about it (he's thinking of going on it and is more nervous than I was, but he's also much higher risk and has already had one "scare" that included post-exposure treatment just in case).  But I'm not telling my parents or anyone else, I don't think.  It's no one's business.

I also got the first of the three Hep B shots that I'll have to take over the next six months.  Yay, I guess (this one's really made my arm sore).

The camping trip is all booked, and I'm trying to decide if I should get a smaller tent, since the only one I have is the big 6-man (which actually only really would fit three or four adult men).  That's kind of overkill.  But I'm also starting to get a lot more careful with how much I spend, especially now that I shouldn't be supporting L any more.

... Oh, right.  L.  So, he's been staying in a motel.  He's apparently got another place he's moving into on the 24th - a room in a house in the valley - and he seems kind of excited about it.  Now, last time it fell through at the last minute, so I'm not going to hold my breath against the odds of him snatching defeat from the jaws of victory, but it's encouraging.  However, the people paying his motel are stopping that today, so for the next 12 days or so he's going to be staying somewhere else.

A nursing home.

I'm... kind of at a loss as to how this will work out.  I could be wrong, of course, but every nursing home I've been to or seen has been a pretty depressing thing overall, and most of the residents didn't have much in the way of freedom.  L's not bed-ridden, isn't doing physical therapy, and isn't going to want to be trapped in a room all day.  I'm not sure how he'll take it, but we'll see.  It's only for 10 days.

The really awesome - to me, anyway - part is that he's actually been listening and is planning on saving as much money over the next month as he can for a buffer.  He's realistically targeting having about a thousand dollars put aside by the end of February, which would be great if he can pull it off.

This weekend was the first time in literally months - probably 3 or 4 months - that we've hung out and he hasn't either hit me up for money or pressured me about staying here or both.  I was shocked.

Anyway, without his periodic demands, I should be able to manage my money better and actually plan for things.  I also really do need to set up some outside consulting stuff to bring in a bit extra to help pay off bills and buy toys (and yes, I've said this a lot).

On the try-new-things side, I used the sauna downstairs for the first time since moving in 3.5 years ago.  I guess you have to turn it on an hour or so before going in, but once it warmed up, it was pretty decent.  I'm going to plan it better next time so I can do the steam thing as well as have a shower in between sessions (heating the place up for one 10-15 minute shot seems a waste).

Going on a hike tonight; it'll be chilly so need to dress warmer than normal.  We'll get to see how the latest rains reshaped the trails.

Minor things for the week

L is.. well, I don't know what his current state is.  Last I heard, he was being put up at a motel by a charity, but that theoretically ends Monday.  We're hanging out tomorrow, so if he doesn't have a place yet, I expect to get harangued all night.  It won't change my answer any, but it may be the last time we hang out if he doesn't give it a rest: I'm willing to put up with someone being unpleasant to be around, but I'm not willing to spend hours being harassed.

Booked a weekend camping trip in a few weeks.  Going with the hiking group out to the desert, so that should be fun: I've been wanting to do star shots out there anyway, and this is a good trip to be my inaugural with them.  Also, my friend D is coming (his husband may not be able to get time off of work), and it'll be his first camping trip in ages too.  We're going to carpool out there.

It does mean I need to get a few things.  Like, I don't have a solar shower yet, so that's one thing; I found a pump one that looks cool but is kind of expensive, but I think I can afford it.  I'm also thinking about getting a smaller tent, since I need one for backpacking anyway.  That would be expensive, so I have to consider it carefully, but putting out a 6-man tent for myself, especially if it's colder temps, is probably a bad idea (D is taking his own).  I also want to grab a couple of those pocket warmer things just in case, but those are cheap.

Oh, I got a 3.4% raise for work.  It'll probably end up being an extra $40 a week, give or take, which will pay for the rent increase I got and then some (not much, but some).  That kicks in Monday, so I won't see anything from it until the end of the month due to pay cycles, but it's still nice.  Apparently, that's the maximum raise the company is giving out this year; I got the maximum last year, too (3% then).

I also get my pay-out from unspent holiday pay next Friday; that should be ~$470.  I suppose I could use that for camping stuff, but I originally going to put that towards other things.  We'll see how my pocketbook looks after this weekend.

My appointment with the MD to talk about PrEP is on Monday.  I've gotten all my test results back; nothing seems odd to me except that my Hepatitis B vaccination apparently never took (I guess you need multiple shots; I only ever got one).  So, I'll probably be getting that vaccine here too shortly.  But I don't think there's anything to stop me from going on the meds starting Monday.  This will be interesting.

In a random note, the gym at my apartment put in a new machine downstairs; we had one of those multi-function stations, but this one is all pulley-based.  I haven't used the weights down there in ages (I have free weights in my apartment and generally only use the treadmill in the gym), but I might try the new thing out to see how well it works.

Hot and steamy

I went to a Korean spa on Saturday.  Now, I've been to plenty of clothing-optional resorts, and I'm not exactly inhibited, but this was literally the first time I'd been to any kind of spa or bath house.  So, I was a little anxious, but I went anyway: my friend D and his husband are the ones who asked if I wanted to go, since they were going (and apparently had been before).

It wasn't bad.  Some of the steam rooms had the steam on way too much for me (I actually had trouble breathing in one of them), but overall the experience was pretty relaxing.  And since I'd spent the afternoon (this was at night) with my best friend, it made Saturday a really awesome day.

Which is just what I needed, since L's been having his typical chaos.  The guy he was supposed to move in with on Saturday decided to "cancel" their agreement on New Year's Day.  Technically, he couldn't do that, since L had keys and a contract, but the charity paying L's moving costs didn't want to pay to move L into a place where he wasn't welcome.  The problem, of course, is that the lockout happens today (Monday), so this put L in a bit of a bind.  The service said they'd put him up in a motel for a bit and move his stuff into storage, but that the hotel funding would take a few days to set up.

So, of course, he sent me an email saying, "Give me a call when you have a chance."  Which is a signal that he's going to try and strong-arm me into something, since otherwise he'd just ask in email or call me himself.  Again he asked if he could stay with me, and again I said no, and he got angry.  Then his phone started cutting out, and he just hung up.  I haven't really spoken to him since, so no idea what's going on at this point.  But I'm also not sure I care much.  I mean, I hope he gets his living situation worked out, but if he decides he doesn't want to speak to me or that I'm a horrible person, well... that's his decision.

The couple hours at the spa relaxed me, and I slept extremely well Saturday night.  Also checked out a new coffee house yesterday, before hanging out with D a little; it was okay, not somewhere terribly comfortable but not horrible either.  I'm still in search of a hang-out-for-an-afternoon kind of place.

Had my blood and pee tests done on Friday, and the results seem unremarkable (I don't get the STD results online, due to disclosure rules, but there's not going to be anything exciting there; the resultsI did get was things like kidney function).  A couple of numbers might be a little cause of concern if they were accompanied by other signs, but they're probably just normal human variation (trace values where ideal is none kinds of things).  I have my appointment with the physician to go over the results a week from today, so that would be the day I start PrEP if she sees nothing concerning.

I was actually thinking about that at the spa.  The place is Korean, so there's that population obviously, but it's also something of a gay cruising joint (though relatively low-key apparently).  I didn't see anyone doing anything risque, but I definitely got a lot of looks/stares.  Some of that may just be because, as I said, I'm not exactly inhibited and tended to walk around naked rather than wrapped up like most of the guys.

Anyway, the thought was that I really shouldn't do anything even if the opportunity arose :) The nurse I saw pointed out that the idea of the initial STD tests was to form a baseline before giving me the prescription and to be absolutely sure I was "fine" before I started; he also said I should be careful not to do anything that might change my status between the tests and the consultation, which is basically saying "don't have sex for the week between".  Which normally wouldn't even be an issue, but I also don't normally go to spas :D

Anyway, nothing happened, and it was great, and I'll probably go back again at some point (with or without D & C).  It's kind of a drive, so I might also see if there's something closer to me, but I could also justify it if I got a massage or something while there (which they offer).

Should be a slow week this week (and of course saying that, things'll go crazy, right?).  Though I think I want to book a camping trip out to the desert: my hiking group is going, and it's time I actually took advantage of the opportunity.

... That may be the motto for this year: taking advantage of opportunities.  We'll see.

If I cannot bring you comfort...

Very few things this year worked out quite how they were expected.  Well, I don't know how true that is: I'm not sure I expected much of anything.  But the year's almost over, whatever it was.

L is in the process of moving into his new place, and I'm not involved.  The current plan is to not even store anything at my place.  We'll see how long this lasts.

I'm in transition at the office; theoretically, my position is disappearing, though that doesn't mean I'm getting laid off or anything.  I've got plenty of things to do and bosses who like me.  But things will definitely change here in the next 6 months.

I've got two potential date situations developing.  Not sure if they'll go anywhere, but it's more than I've really tried to do in months.  I'm pretty much writing off OKCupid and going to other tools (starting with Tindr).  I can't do Grindr, since they don't have a Windows port, but perhaps that's a good thing :)

Related to that, I'm seeing a specialist about the whole Truvada as PrEP thing.  I'm not really liking the idea of a daily pill (though  I took a daily vitamin for years), and I'm far from being the most at-risk person out there.  I'm also not looking forward to the potential side effects.  But an honest look back at why I haven't dated much or "explored" much in the last few years has to include recognizing my (low but present) anxiety about HIV: I can name at least one occasion when that anxiety stopped me.  It's probably not something I'll ever mention to anyone I date, and I plan on still practicing safer-sex, but a reduction in risk is a reduction in risk.  Sex isn't necessarily the end goal, but it's hard to progress in dating much without sex - and especially in the gay community, sex is often an early requirement rather than a later one.

I never really got into the shape I wanted to be in. I've built up my chest and arms a bit, but my weight and belly fat are still what they were in April.  Now, there was the whole bruised rib thing, but that was better by June-ish.  Since then, I just haven't been able to make a dent.  So, I need to try something different.  We'll see.

I made it to Yosemite, which was a blast.  Didn't make it to Hawaii this year, and only slightly miss it.  Haven't gone on any other camping trips yet, but there are a few my hiking/camping group has planned that actually look interesting (and it's the middle of bloody winter, so it's not exactly the high season).

Haven't really gotten into swimming the way I wanted to, so maybe that will be how I try and get into shape.  Also never got that bike I've been talking about for ages.

I've made a few new friends and have been hanging out with some of them fairly often.

With L's change in situation, I put my foot down on finances.  Yes, I've said that before, but there's absolutely no reason why he can't survive without my help at this point.  He's even getting someone else to pay his first month's rent, so he should be able to build up a financial buffer.  But that's his business: mine will be getting back to a comfortable level of savings and being able to sock money away for a new car and more vacations.  I start getting four weeks of vacation time this year, and I've already got more than three saved up.  I need to start using them.

Also, with L having a roommate, I'm hoping he'll be less dependent on me for social contact.  I've already told him that we're not going to be doing the every-weekend thing, since he's further away now and still doesn't want to drive much; that'll free up time for dates and other activities.

Not sure if I'll pursue the business thing.  I mean, I need to know if I need a license to do consulting and such, but actually getting a D-B-A and registering as a business apparently has a lot of tax consequences.  As much as I love the logo I did up, I'm not sure it's worth it - especially as I've never made any money with my photography.  Oh, related to that, I finally told Flickr they can peruse my stuff for stock use; I'd disabled that when I was trying to work with other companies, but since none of that worked out, I might as well let Flickr do it if they want.  I've still got NC on everything.

Aside from the doctor's appointment tomorrow, I've no plans for NYE.  There's a hike going on (which I'll probably miss).  Also, a couple of friends were talking about having a small get-together, but since one of them is in Canada on a last-minute emergency thing (and not a fun one), that probably won't happen. So, it might be a quiet evening relaxing at home - which may not be all that bad, since it's supposed to be freezing (literally) tomorrow night.  I might even wake up early enough to wander out to the Rose Parade at some point (don't bet on it).

So, I guess that's my year in review, combined with a little bit of what is hopefully to come.  That wave function keeps collapsing; you never know what's going to happen until it does.  Hope for the best, plan for the worst, and keep your head up high - for the night is young, the air is crisp, and the stars twinkle in anticipation of your eye.

The night

Well, it happened.  L finally asked me about the room.


We were at dinner, and he was commenting that a place he's looking at is too far away (17 miles!!).  I said something like, if it's that or sleeping in your car, which would you take?


L: "You'd let me sleep in my car?"
Me: "Versus?"
L: "Well, staying in your spare room."
Me: "... Yeah, that's not happening."


After a bit more back and forth, he stopped talking.  And then stopped eating dinner (he was only about half-way through).  Fine, whatever.  I paid for the meal, and as we were leaving, he still wasn't talking (which is really unusual for him).  I asked if he still wanted to go to the movie ("The Imitation Game"); he said "yes".  That was, literally, the last word he spoke to me for the next half-hour, then the length of the movie, then about 20 minutes after while waiting for the car.


By this point, I was annoyed.  So, as we got in the car, I just said, "I guess I'm taking you home, then."
L: "No, I need to be out with people right now."
Me: "Well, I don't see any reason for us to hang out if you're just going to give me the silent treatment for the rest of the night."
L: "Is that what you think is happening?"
Me: "What else would it be?  Prior to this conversation, you've said one work since dinner."


We went at it a bit.  He said he was hurt, he thought I was his friend.  "I know you've said repeatedly that is your best friend, but I never thought..."
Me: "What, that I actually meant it?"
L: "Well, I mean... It's just..."


I laid into him a bit about bad decisions, about the people (including me) who have been shielding him from the results of his choices for like 10 years, of a few of the times where he's pulled shit, gotten caught/caught out, and ended up needing to be bailed out, etc.  He started by denying it all, then slowly had to admit I was right.


Then he started in with the emotional manipulative shit.  "It's hard to hate yourself."  Well, yes, been there.  "I'm not you, I can't just kill myself."  Okay, yes, been there too, but that's a shitty, low blow.  "How can you be friends with someone who is such a fuckup?" Not touching that one with a 10-foot pole, bud.  "I've made bad decisions.  I was afraid."  Sure, but mostly afraid of the outcomes of bad decisions you'd made prior.


L: "I never wanted to use anyone."
Me: "And, yet, 30 minutes ago you were perfectly content to spend a night with someone you didn't want to be around just so they'd drive you places and pay for your drinks."


Anyway, he kind of accepted it eventually.  At least, he wants to see a movie next week; we'll see how he feels tomorrow (it's entirely possible he'll work himself into enough self-righteous anger to blow me off lest I remind him again about how he's wrong).  But at least the conversation is out there.


I still think he thinks he's going to manipulate/trick me into letting him stay here.  One would hope that after all these years he'd know not to pull that kind of thing on someone with limited empathy.


The movie was pretty good, if a bit depressing in the end (but how else could it be?).  And now, to bed.

A place in the sun

So, Palm Springs was fun.  The place was a bit more... let's say "frisky" than I was expecting, even at a clothing-optional resort, but apparently that's par for the course in PS.  Still, I did enjoy myself, spent a lot of time in the hot tub, and actually slept well and peacefully for a couple nights.

And then came back home and woke up at 5 am stressing out about stuff again.  Oh well.

On the good news front: heard a little bit about this issue at work, and the one part that I've ever been involved with is also probably the only part that is safe, so I'm pretty much in the clear.  Haven't heard about the rest.

Oh, and iOS 8 sucks, but I spent all day Monday debugging and finally figured out the two bugs that were breaking my company's application - one is definitely a bug, the other is possibly deliberate but a change from past OS versions.  At least I found work-arounds that seem to be functioning, so the client who was running into this problem is happy.

L sent me a message complaining that one room he's looking at (he still hasn't found a place) is 17 miles (!!!) from where he currently lives, implying that this is so far as to make it unreasonable.  I sent back something shooting that down handily, but I've also decided I'm done with him playing the victim.  I mean, he's more than welcome to do it, but I don't want to hear about it any more.

[... I feel like I need to qualify that "victim" statement.  I don't hold with blaming victims for what happens to them; that's really bad.  And L has had a few things happen that were just shitty luck or other people being assholes.  But L has also, on more than one occasion, tried to cheat the system, gotten caught or caught-out, and suffered as a result; he then tries to play the "woe is me" card, sometimes even changing his story on what happened to remove any fault from himself.  It's been minor in the past, but lately he's been ramping it up a fair bit - to the point where things that I was around for and witnessed are now being presented differently than as they happened.  And we're not talking about minor changes: things like "had to bribe a doctor to get a note saying couldn't do a deposition" to "but I wasn't well enough to do the deposition!"  If he's starting to believe his own lies, I'm totally done (there's nowhere positive that can go).]

Need to plan stuff for NYE.  I've got a meeting on the 30th I can't miss, but I could head out that afternoon and go somewhere maybe.  No idea where I'd go - most places are booked by now.  But I'm not going to spend NYE with L.  PS was certainly easy to get to, but it's probably even more of a party place for New Years than it was for Thanksgiving.  I still feel like running away to the woods somewhere, but the place in Guerneville doesn't have any cabins.

Decisions, decisions.